


Three Sharp Knocks

by TheLalondesAreQueens



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Human bill, M/M, like 25, mentioned mabcifica, older dip, really it's hardly anything, some light masturbation i guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-08
Updated: 2015-07-08
Packaged: 2018-04-08 06:44:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4294668
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheLalondesAreQueens/pseuds/TheLalondesAreQueens
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dippers not always the best pet owner. Bills noticed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Three Sharp Knocks

**Author's Note:**

> I asked llyrical for a prompted on her Tumblr and she gave me this. You should check her out her Billdip fics. They are my absolute favorites.

Dipper was deeply invested in the mystery thriller of the day when he was rudely interrupted by three sharp knocks at his door. Dippers initial reaction was shock because he wasn’t expecting any guest and although he had been living in the same apartment building since he was 18 he never actually made friends with any of his neighbors. Dipper wasn’t exactly a neighborly person. Dippers shock soon turned to annoyance because he had just gotten to the most suspenseful part of his book! Sure the ‘Mystery of the strange dorito’ isn’t exactly the best book in the world, but Dipper is 97% sure Veronica murdered her mom for ownership of the nuclear power plant and hell if someone was gonna keep him from finding out he’s right.

As he approaches the door he checks to make sure his precious pet cat, Barbara, isn’t anywhere near the door so that she can’t make a great escape. Seeing that Barbara isn’t anywhere near him he opens the door only to come face to face with an odd looking man holding none other than Barbara herself. Dipper is, needles to say, extraordinarily confused and at a total lost for words. After a few seconds of opening and closing his mouth like the confused idiot he is, he finally settles on a prime choice of words “Why the hell do you have me cat?”

The man holding his cat, who already had a disturbingly large grin on his face, lets out a booming laugh that last for much longer than Dipper feels comfortable with. After calming down and getting over whatever the hell he found so damn funny, in a voice that is still way too loud for Dippers taste, he says “I heard this little furball meowing outside of my door. She seemed pretty hungry so I grabbed one of the birds from the balcony and let the cat play predator. She was pretty tired after that so I washed the blood off her and we took a nap. And now I’m returning her! Here!” when he finishes talking he shoves Barbara into Dippers arms.

Dipper has so many things he wants to say to this weird guy but before he can say any of them the guy tips his top hat, top hat. here’s wearing a fucking top hat, and says “Catch ya later Pine tree!” and begins to walk away.

Out of all the things that Dipper wants to say and all the questions Dipper wants to ask the thing he actually ends up saying is so stupid even Dippers surprised “My names Dipper!”

The man doesn't even stop walking or turn around when he shouts back “I don’t care!”

~

Dipper is in the middle of a cheesy horror movie marathon when he hears three sharp knocks on his door. As soon as the knocking stops he realizes that it must be that blonde guy, he always knocks three times with the exact same rhythm. God he’s weird.

When he opens the door he sees him standing there with a smirk on his face, holding Barbara. Again. “Shit” Dipper says as he lowers his head. This is the fifth time this has happened. Dipper really needs to start paying more attention.

The man laughs (Dipper is really starting to hate his laugh) and says “Shit indeed Pine tree. You know if you keep losing your cat I’m gonna have to buy a litter box.”

Dipper sighs and says “Yea yea. I know. I’m sorry she keeps running off and-”

The man caughts him off before he can finish talking “Oh no don’t be sorry Pine tree! I love your cat. She’s so ferocious. You should see her when she kills her prey. It’s really something.”

Dipper looks at the man wearily for a minute before responding “Right……” He says as he takes Barbara into his arms “Well anyway, thank you for always looking after her.”

The man tips his top hat (Dipper still can’t get over the top hat) and says “No problem Pine tree. I enjoy taking care of her.” and begins to walk away.

Before he can go far Dipper calls out “Wait!” the man turns around with a one eyebrow raised “Um. I was just wondering… What’s your name?”

The man suddenly has a huge smile covering his face and he says “The name’s Bill, kid. Glad you finally asked.” and with that he turns around and practically skips away.

~

The seventeenth chapter of Dippers book needs to be turned in to his publisher by Friday. It his currently Wednesday and he has only just started. Dipper’s freaking out a little. He’s madly typing away on his laptop when he hears the three sharp knocks. He looks around to see if Barbara is anywhere in sight and no, she’s not. Of course.

“Fuck” is the first thing that comes out of Dippers mouth. He can’t believe he lost Barbara. Again. This makes it the tenth time he’s lost her and she’s gone to Bill. The tenth. Dipper’s not looking forward to opening the door and seeing Bills stupid grin but he kinda has to get his cat back. After three more knocks he sighs and pushes himself up using his desk for support.

When Dipper opens the door Bill is standing there with his usual stupid big smile, Barbara, and not a whole lot of manners. “You’re a really shit pet owner Pine tree.”

Dipper is completely taken aback and extremely offended. “Excuse me but who the hell are you to judge.”

Bill just smiles even bigger “I’m Bill! The guy that’s had to take care of, feed, and return your lost cat ten times now.”

Dipper really doesn't have a snarky comeback for that “Okay. Well. Maybe you have some room to judge, but that was still rude!” As he finishes his sentence he sticks his pointer finger in Bills face.

Bill just laughs and wipes a non existent tear from his eye. “Sorry if I offended you Pine tree, but what I said is true. You can’t take care of your cat for shit. And although I would love to stick around and insult you some more, I can’t. I have things to do. So here, take your cat,” Bill gently places Barbara in Dippers arms “and I don’t know, learn how to take care of your pet I guess. Bye!” and with that Bill walks away.

Dipper is feeling so many things right now. On one hand he is extremely offended, on the other hand he knows Bill’s right and he really needs to start keeping a closer eye on Barbara, and on one more hand… Bill has really pretty eyes. He decides to stick with being offended because it’s the easiest to deal with and he’s not in the wrong that way. So with a huff Dipper slams the door shut and walks away with Barbara in his arms.

~

Dipper is really sick of being single. He hasn’t dated anyone since he was 17 and eight years of no relationships really really sucks. He’s thinking about how fucking single he is a lot today because Mabel and Pacifica had just announce their engagement that morning. Dipper is happy for them, he is beyond happy for them. Pacifica had gotten Mabel a beautiful pink diamond that was cut in a circle so that the ring looked like a gumball. Mabel was so excited when she told Dipper and she sent him about 500 pictures of the ring and Dipper is so happy for Mabel but, it really feels like the fact the he’s been single for so long is being rubbed in his face. Dipper was just gonna go to sleep but hey, he’s sad and single, has nothing going on, and his apartment is quiet. Might as well ease some of the pain of being single.

Dipper begins to palm himself through his boxers. After a while of nothing happening he figures he needs to rev up the dirty thoughts. A bunch of people begin to flash through his mind. Black Widow, Barbara Gordon, Poison Ivy, Jean Grey (he likes red heads what do you want.) Dippers rather shocked when his mind stops on blonde hair, amber eyes, and a huge grin.

He would question his mind's choice but he’s really starting to get hard and his weird apparent attraction to Bill is something he can figure out later. He begins to stroke himself and he is getting pretty close to finishing when he is interrupted by three sharp knocks.

No wonder it was so quiet. With a grunt Dipper pushes himself off his bed and sluggishly makes his way to the door. When he opens the door he sees Bill waiting on the other side with a smirk on his face. Whatever comment he was going to make about returning Barbara for the fifteenth time is lost on his lips when he notices the bulge in Dippers boxers.

Bill stares at Dippers bulge for a few seconds and when Dipper realizes why he’s staring he can’t help but turn bright red. Dipper’s pretty content to just stand still with a face the complexion of a tomato, at least he is until Bill says “Nice.” while looking directly at his covered erection.

“Excuse me!” Dipper squeaks at the top of his lungs.

Bill begins laugh and Dipper’s pretty sure he sees real tears fall from his eyes. Bill doubles over and when he does Barbara falls to the floor with an offended meow and walks into Dippers apartment. When Bill is finally able to stand up and talk he actually does have tears coming out of his eyes and as he begins to wipe them away he says “Wow Pine tree I am so sorry I interrupted you. You were obviously-” he has to a laugh break “obviously in the middle of something important. I’ll leave you alone now. Have fun.” he winks at Dipper then walks away and as he walks away Dipper can still hear him snickering.

Dippers face is absolutely on fire at that point. Dipper closes the door, walks to the couch, and collapses. He buries his face into the cushions, ready to stay there forever.

~

Dipper had just gotten home from helping Mabel with wedding planning and to say he was exhausted would be an understatement. After five hours of trying to sort through all the many things that went into a wedding anyone would be exhausted. All Dipper wants to do is take a nap and pet his cat. After a few minutes of trying to get Barbara to come to him Dipper realize that she isn’t there.

“Ugh” is the only thing that comes out of Dippers mouth as he pushes himself off the couch so that he could go pick up Barbara from Bills. Before he can even get to the door he is greeted by the familiar sound of three sharp knocks. When he opens the door he’s surprised to see that a scowl is replacing Bills usual smile. Dipper opens his mouth to say something but before he can get any sound out Bill holds up his hand as a sign for him to not talk. Dipper shuts his mouth and Bill opens his “Look Pine tree. This is the twentieth time I have had to return your cat. This time she wasn’t even just lost. She was meowing and scratching at my door. It’s obvious that you are truly a shit pet owner and she likes me more. So, what I guess I’m trying to say is. I’m taking your cat.”

Dipper has been offended so many different times since he’s meant Bill but this is by far the most he has been. “No. No you're not taking my cat. You can’t. Can’t just. You can’t just take peoples pets from them!”

“I can if they’re shit owners.”

“I am not letting you take my cat!”

“Okay Pine tree try and stop me. Really. Try. It’ll be cute.”

Dipper is ready to fight Bill right then and there but looking at bill’s (hot) muscular body he realizes that there is no way he can win. Dipper just sighs and puts his head in his hands. “Come on Bill. Please. I know I’m not always a responsible pet owner but… I really love Barbara and I don’t want to lose her. Please Bill.”

Bill is quiet for a minute and when he speaks again it is with a much gentler voice “Okay Pine tree. I’ll let you keep Barbara. Under one condition.”

Dipper takes his head out of his hands “What?”

Bill scowl turns into a smile “I want a date.”

Dipper face has once again turned red “Excuse me?”

“You heard me. I want a date. Go on a date with me and you can have Barbara back. That’s the way it’s gonna be. So.” Bill sticks his hand out “Is it a deal?”

**  
**Dipper stood looking at Bill's hand for a few moments weighing his options. After several seconds of deliberation Dipper takes Bill’s hand and says “Yea. It’s a deal.”


End file.
